"Put the Kid in Time-out!"

 I just realized how selfish  I truly am. I mean, I ain't gonna front, I been knew I was selfish but I didn't know it was to this extreme and I definitely didn't understand why, until recently. Time. Time is unlimited but the amount I have is. As valuable as money is, as long as I'm here, I can always make more money, but once all the time has been spent, I can make or buy more time. 

Gone is gone. We know spirit lives on but the body definitely has an expiration date. When I first got out, after doing a decade and a week in the non-justice system for a crime I didn't commit (I have seen no justice system, only a financial one, thus still waiting for exoneration that's nowhere in sight.) 

I knew that in order for me to move forward in my life, mentally and emotionally as well as physically that it was important for me to not dwell on the past or better yet make sure that I  look at it with the right perspective. I knew early on that if I walked around here with a sour ass "life sucks cause I just got outta prison after doing a 10 year bid for something I didn't even do" attitude that it wouldn't get me anywhere and actually do the opposite internally stunting my growth. 

In other words, I was honest with myself and acknowledged the hurt, frustration,  confusion, and other emotions I felt towards being wrongfully accused and lock up and having that time out my life just taken from me but I also noted within my self that if I focused on it to much that I'd stay stuck in the past and miss the opportunity to fully experience my present freedom. 

As I said before, I knew I was extremely selfish in some areas, this being one them but now I know "why". Time was taken from me. I was innocently Taken like the movie and powerless to do anything about it. There's a lot going on out here and I'm trying to filter and defend myself against all the perceived threats to my time. I'll fight viciously like a starving animal you trying to take the last scrap from when it  comes to my time. I ain't saying I'm right for being selfish like that but having a better understanding of the reason "why" I'm extremely selfish/stingy with my time helps me have a little more patience with my self process and makes it a little easier for me not to hate myself for being an asshole about it when necessary. 

Even the smallest of things that may only require a few seconds, minutes, hours can be viewed as threats to my time. Things, people, even me myself, all at times appear to me as something trying to steal my time by putting me back in prison in some way, shape, or form. So I have to protect myself from small meaningless 5 minute conversations that will eventually add up to hours and those hours multiply into the loss of days. I'm fighting for my freedom.

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